Rules for Buckeye Fans:

    *Never agree to get married on a Saturday Ohio State is scheduled to
    play football. There are typically 40 other weekends to choose
    from…make her/him choose one of those!

    *Never attend a wedding during an Ohio State football game unless you
    carry a TV……and watch it even during the ceremony.

    *It is OK to wear an OSU football jersey even when old….and fat….and
    bald. Extra points if you’ve got an OSU baseball cap on backwards.

    *Always, and I mean ALWAYS, return any “O…H” with a hearty “I…O.”
    This is true even during funerals, sex, in foreign countries or when
    witnessing the birth of your child.

    *When Notre Dame plays Michigan, it is mandatory to despise both teams.
    There are no winners.

    *You despise the following teams, in order: Michigan, ND, USC, Miami
    (that’s Florida), and Bama

    *It is OK to be emotional (and even “tear” up) during the following:
    -Script Ohio
    -Your child’s first Buckeye game
    -Carmen Ohio
    -During a Tressel speech
    -Listening to “What I Want”
    -Remembering Woody
    -After beating Michigan
    -Winning the National Championship
    -When NFL Buckeyes state on Monday Night Football that they are from
    “THE” Ohio State University.
    -Hearing the phrase, “Rest easy Woody, the new man has arrived.”
    -Ramp entrance

    *It is not cool to make fun of the Neutron Man. Especially now that he
    is watching games with Woody.

    *Buckeye necklaces must be worn at all times on game day from the time
    you leave your place of abode until you return.


One other thing:

    *Always take off your hat during Carmen Ohio and physically remove the
    hats of anyone in your vicinity who fails to do so.

    *Everyone should rush the field after an OSU home victory over Michigan
    at least once in their lifetime. (Extra kudos for those of you who
    rushed the field at IU and tore down THEIR goalposts a few years
    ago…c’mon you know who you are!).

    *Attending Skull Session is mandatory at least once each season.

    *ESPN employees must be verbally taunted at every opportunity.

    *When you die, you must have at least one item of Buckeye memorabilia
    with you. (Specify which one in your will, that way your spouse won’t
    pick something stupid).

    *You must be willing to die to defend your right to drink beer during
    tailgates.

    *Recruiting must be followed as intensely as any game. This is true even
    if it puts your job/career at risk.

    *Attend the Spring Game. It makes it easier to survive the summer.

    *When in church, it is not sacrilegious to count being a Buckeye as one
    of your blessings.

    *Try to never boo a former or current Buckeye football player.

    *When making fun of guys in marching bands always caveat your comments
    with a statement that, regardless of what you just said, anyone in
    TBDBITL is very cool.

    *Admit that secretly, you wished you played tuba and could dot the “i.”
    You’d even be willing to put on a few dozen pounds to look the part.

    *You would not trade the opportunity to swill beer while listening to
    The Danger Brothers after an OSU victory over Michigan for tickets to
    any rock band that has ever existed.

    *It is important to consider the “good old days” ARE NOW. Enjoy them
    even when OSU doesn’t win the NC.

    *Scarlet and Gray always works. Maize and Blue is always gay. Not that
    there is anything wrong with that.

    *It is never ok to talk to a stranger at the urinal next to you unless
    he is dressed in OSU garb. That said, the topic should be limited to
    Buckeye football.

    *There are no bad seats in Buckeye Stadium.

    *If you attend a game at Wisconsin, you must never engage in “Jump
    Around” at the end of the third quarter no matter how tempting. Also,
    never, and I mean never, take your kids to a Wisconsin game unless you
    want to explain why everyone there are drunken jerks.

    *Plant a Buckeye tree in your yard.

    *Hang a Buckeye flag on game day. If any of your neighbors counter with
    a Michigan flag, it is your solemn duty to tear it down and deface it
    anyway you see fit.

    *It is “ok” to not get the drum major thing; it is “not ok” to fail to
    cheer when the plume touches the field.

    *In honor of Woody, the principle of “paying forward” should be
    practiced at all times by all Buckeyes.

    *Drinking alcohol before 9:00 A.M. is, at best, immature, and likely, a
    sign of a serious problem. Except on game day.

    *If your wife asks you what was the greatest night of your life, admit
    the truth – that it was January 3, 2003

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